Flotsam, Jetsam, Liam - Issue #12
“The world spins. We stumble on. It is enough.”
Originally published on Revue - November 16, 2022
Your Footie Fanatic Friend's Guide To A Morally Repugnant, Nevertheless Enthralling Men's World Cup
While the disjointedness of my writing may leave you questioning its effectiveness, year after year my fancy high school serves up a grueling gauntlet of a freshman English curriculum, capstoned with a mandatory, quasi-memorized seven minute speech in front of still unfamiliar classmates on a topic of one’s choosing. This crucible of pressure remains the only occasion I have witnessed someone faint live (and left the English teacher in the unenviable position of grading a traumatically incomplete assignment).
Fresh off the December 2010 announcement that Qatar would be hosting the 2022 FIFA World Cup, 15 year-old, brace-faced Liam opted to bore his peers with a laundry list of reasons why this decision was misguided - including but not limited to:
Qatar’s persecution of LGBTQ folks
Qatar’s denial of equal rights to women
Qatar’s lack of constructed stadiums, necessitating the import of migrant workers with few protections
Qatar’s refusal to recognize Israel, whose national team was quite competitive at the time
Qatar’s summer temperatures averaging ~110° F (before it was subsequently announced that the tournament would be moved to winter for the first time in history)
Qatar’s utter lack of footballing tradition (they built a lavish youth academy to scout foreign talent and naturalize them as Qatari citizens in hopes of bolstering their national team)
Qatar’s stringent laws around alcohol consumption and public intoxication (their World Cup Chief recently made the ominous announcement that drunk fans will be escorted to sobering up zones - Fyre Fest sequel incoming.)
Were my concerns overblown? Hardly.
11+ years later, we now know that both Qatar’s 2022 and Russia’s 2018 bids won thanks to endemic corruption within a FIFA (nonprofit!) organization rotten to its core, where piles of cash indiscreetly changed hands through envelopes and briefcases in hotel lobbies in exchange for votes.
More tragically, 6,500 and counting migrant workers have been killed and tens of thousands more abused in the rush to build state-of-the-art stadiums that will sit idle once the month long tournament concludes (The Qatari government unforgivably refutes that only 37 foreign laborers have died). Amidst perilous working condition, many migrants have gone unpaid and/or been deported for protesting their unpaid wages. Calls for Qatar and FIFA to establish a worker’s compensation fund have so far gone unheeded.
In spite of all that, the tournament is set to kick off this Sunday November 20th, with Qatar facing Ecuador. And only the impeccably principled fans of the world’s most beloved game will summon the righteousness to turn away from the spectacle all together.
The rest of us, myself included, will still tune in, overcome by fear of missing out on moments of collective glory and wonder, by nostalgia for tournaments past that awaken childhood memories, and by a love of the sport so strong that just about any demands for more cognitive dissonance will be met, even in circumstances as ludicrous as this Qatari train wreck. That’s the true power of sportswashing - willful complicity born out of deep longing for unadulterated joy.
Perhaps you’re all more strong-willed than me - I do like to think I surround myself with peers who have calibrated their moral compasses expertly - but for anyone who will also be stealing glimpses of the action, I hope to provide you with compelling narratives and human interest stories worth rooting for in spite of the dark clouds hanging over the occasion.
Players To Savor
Christian Eriksen - Midfielder - Denmark & Manchester United
The biggest win in Finnish football history, a 1-0 win over Denmark in last summer’s European Championships, is instead remembered for a horrific reminder of the frailty of human life. Minutes before half time during a seemingly innocuous passage of play, Eriksen collapsed to the turf, suffering cardiac arrest with the world watching. In that moment, it was hard not to wonder whether the Dane would survive, let alone play soccer again. 17 months later, he is back to pulling the strings in the midfield and whipping in deadly set pieces. His presence at the World Cup is a testament to the wonders of modern biomedicine and personal resilience.
Son Heung-Min - Forward - South Korea & Tottenham Hotspur
In Korea, only one individual can claim to contend with the popularity of K-pop sensations and best selling global artists BTS: Son Heung-Min. His jaw-dropping talent does not preclude him from exuding a boyish charm and humility in spades. “Sonny” inspires legions of countrymen and women to rise before dawn to watch his matches for his London-based club, and he has already delivered glory for his country on one occasion before, winning gold at the 2018 Asian Games, which exempted him and his teammates from Korea’s mandatory military conscription for able bodied men. Nevertheless, he carved out time during football’s covid hiatus to complete basic training. He’s racing back from a fractured eye socket injury in time for the tournament, so look out for a potentially masked man weaving his way through bamboozled defenses.
Iñaki Williams - Winger - Ghana & Athletic Bilbao
Basque country-born Williams’ first name is a tribute to the helpful relief organization worker whose guidance enabled his parents to be granted asylum after they set off from Ghana and trekked north on foot and by truck in search of a better life. He plays his club football for Athletic Bilbao, who pride themselves on a unique development model based on their self-imposed cantera policy, requiring that all their players be native to or train as youth in the greater Basque region. His brother Nico, eight years his junior, also stars for Bilbao in Spain’s top flight and earned a spot in the Spain squad for Qatar, but Iñaki declared his allegiance to Ghana in July and immediately endeared himself to his new teammates with his dancing feet. Floating between attacking positions with ease and always posing a threat, he heads into the tournament as the ironman of Spanish football, having appeared in 247 consecutive league matches for Bilbao, a streak that extends more than six years.
Alphonso Davies - Left Back - Canada & Bayern Munich
Continuing the theme of inspirational refugee resettlement stories, the best Canada Men’s soccer player ever was born in a refugee camp in Ghana to Liberian parents fleeing civil war. And he’s only 22 years old. “Phonzie”, the second youngest Major League Soccer player ever, is perhaps what we all were promised Freddy Adu would be, blossoming from humble beginnings into stardom with a winning mix of panache and decency.
When he emigrated to Canada in 2005, the Great White North was a footballing backwater, registering only one World Cup appearance in 1986 (without managing to score), and with no professional domestic league or any Major League Soccer franchises. Fast forward seventeen years and Canada, led by Davies and his ferocious pace and directness, qualified for Qatar ahead of the US and Mexico with a ragtag bunch of wily late career veterans and up-and-coming studs. Look out for his outrageous bombing runs forward to ignite lightning quick counter attacks.
Yunus Musah - Midfielder - USA & Valencia
This US team, seeking to make amends for failing to qualify in 2018, is easy to root for and full of fresh, young faces likely to also be in the mix for the 2026 tournament on home turf.
Among the fun storylines are:
- Two teammates, Josh Sargent (22) and Tim Ream (35), who attended the same Missouri high school 12 years apart
- Starting goalkeeper, Matt Turner, who didn’t begin playing soccer until he was 14 and nearly quit the sport after a blunder while playing in college ranked #1 on SportsCenter’s Not Top Ten
- The wayfaring life and times of teenager Yunus Musah
Musah’s mother - yet again Ghanaian - gave birth to him in New York City while on holiday. A week later, baby Yunus was in Castelfranco Veneto, Italy, where he learned to play and excel at the game until a placement at Arsenal’s academy in London at age 9 beckoned. Progressing through the ranks at one of the world’s biggest clubs, he bet on himself to break into senior football earlier and transferred to Valencia in Spain at age 16. He’s now made 82 appearances for his club team before entering his third decade. At one point eligible to represent Ghana, Italy, England or the United States, his country of birth won the battle for his services. His ability to collect the ball deep and break through the lines with his progressive dribbling and passing could be what allows the US to advance out of a very evenly matched group.
Lionel Messi - Forward - Argentina & Paris Saint-Germain
For decades, in living rooms and at corner bars all across the globe, debates have raged on about who is the greatest footballer of all time. Over the last several years, even the Cristiano Ronaldo evangelists are begrudgingly coming to grips with the consensus: Lionel Messi is the best to ever do it. The more one scrutinizes, the more both his transcendent talents and the longevity with which he has flaunted them come off as supernatural.
The son of two factory workers, Messi required treatment as a child to overcome a growth hormone deficiency, yet enters Qatar as the first South American man ever to appear in five men’s World Cups (Brazilian midfielder Formiga appeared in seven on the women’s side).
One would figure that his greatness - coupled with a muted public persona hellbent on avoiding controversy (tax evasion aside) - would have catapulted Lionel into undisputed most beloved countryman status. However, unless he can will Argentina to World Cup glory in his last go-around at age 35, Messi will always play second fiddle to late, great electric showboat hothead party man Diego Maradona, who scored the Goal of the Century and with the “Hand of God” in 1986 on route to the title.
To have grown up as a contemporary in the era of Messi’s reign feels like a divine act of solace, a sweetener amongst the myriad societal unrest my generation must contend with. Can the Messiah snatch the one prize that eludes him before the curtains close?
Matches To Behold
England vs. USA - Nov 25
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another… a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should duke it out on a migrant worker constructed pitch thousands of miles away on Black Friday.
This match will be a real litmus test for how much the sport has grown in this country on two fronts:
How well the US can compete against a side chock-full of superstars
How much the general public cares to tune in as they nurse their post-Thanksgiving aching stomachs and nagging hangovers
Last time these two squared off in World Cup Action, the hypnotic hum of vuvuzelas lulled England goalkeeper Rob Green into committing a humiliating howler and it ended honors even. The pesky yanks will want to do one better this time around.
Argentina vs. Mexico - Nov 26
In seven straight World Cups, Mexico have advanced from the group stage. In seven straight World Cups, Mexico have lost in the Round of 16, opting for a uniquely cruel undoing on each occasion. In 2006 and 2010, it was the Argentines who cooked up and executed Mexico’s ouster, including this scintillating dagger from Maxi Rodriguez. Mexico will be desperate to get one over Messi and his compatriots and claim the top spot in the group in hopes of reaching the elusive quinto partido. Whoever finishes second likely faces defending champions France in the Round of 16.
Oh, and that 1986 World Cup triumph Maradona orchestrated? Mexico played host to it all. The dutiful Messi will know he’s expected to write Mexican folklore of his own.
Ghana vs. Uruguay - Dec 2
A proper pantomime villain needs to be evil but also must be competent. Luis Suarez is a proper pantomime villain. In the years since the fateful July day in Johannesburg when his scoundreldom first manifested, Suarez has added three counts of biting his opponents, an eight match suspension for racial abuse, and accusations of cheating to get his Italian citizenship to his rap sheet. He has also scored 389 goals for club and country.
To take you back to July 2, 2010, Ghana were flying high after eliminating the Americans and were looking to endow the first World Cup hosted on the African continent with a first African team to reach the semi-finals. In their way was Uruguay.
A 1-1 stalemate after 90 minutes, the two sides headed to extra time to decide matters. In the 120th minute, Ghana flung one final free kick into the box and mayhem ensued after it was flicked on. Midfielder Stephen Appiah smacked a shot on frame that Suarez scuttled towards and blocked with his knee. The rebound fell to the head of Dominic Adiyiah, who nodded it back towards Suarez and the goal line. Like a setter in volleyball, Suarez rapidly swung his arms towards the ball and flapped it away. He was red-carded and Ghana awarded a penalty, but Asamoah Gyan smacked the crossbar with his effort from 12 yards. Suarez gleefully celebrated the miss from the tunnel; Uruguay won the penalty shootout that followed 4-2.
12 years and five months on, Ghana’s public enemy number one is back to taunt his victims again. Can the Black Stars claw back some pride this time around?
Alright, enough of my jibber-jabber. Let the Qatari safari begin.